Deplete.

My third child, Charlie, is going to be 6 years old on June 14th. He will enter 1st grade in August, which, doesn't seem possible. Sometimes I feel as though he was just born. I remember his birth very vividly, as we already had two boys, so having a third was like the "tie breaker". I believe that the best surprise in life is not knowing the sex of a baby before their birth. I've given birth four times and though I had several opportunities to find out the sex with each one, we decided against it. And I don't regret that decision at all, because I still remember the words of the doctor each time. "It's a boy." "It's a boy." It's a boy." "It's a....GIRL!" With c-sections, you can't see what's going on, as they put a curtain up as a barrier between you and the baby because...well, who wants to see all that blood? I wanted to give birth naturally, however, that was not possible for me. My genetic mi...

My Sweet M, Lately, it seems as though the days are passing quickly. The time I get you out of your crib in the morning, to the time I sing "You are my Sunshine" to you at bedtime seems as though it's only seconds rather than several hours. Each day, you show me a little more of who you are. I see your spirit in your smile and your giggle. I see it in your bright eyes. I see it in your one finger as you point to an orange and call it an "apple" and when you are asking for "straw-baby" (strawberries). There are so many times when I look at you and I see parts of me, outside of the fact that you look a lot like me. When you hear music, you are drawn to it, just as I am. You stop what you are doing and you dance. I get it girl. Keep that going. Explore your love of music and beautiful worlds will be opened up. Play an instrument. Learn it and learn it well. You will be amazed at what playing an instrument can do for your mind and your heart...

10 days ago, I completed the 500 Festival Mini Marathon in Indianapolis. I've had some time, now, to reflect on that experience, and what it meant, and what it means, and what it will mean in the future. My Brooks running shoes; my second favorite shoe. A close second to my Chucks. I've participated in this particular half marathon once before. I've mentioned that. 7 years ago was the last time. I had only two children then, and that was before my mother got sick. It was also before a slew of other life altering experiences, but I won't get in to those right now. In my previous post , The Carry, I talked about my emotions. I talked about carrying them, and how they are sometimes too much for me to handle. I put them in a suitcase and drag them around and they make life challenging. I have, however, figured out several ways to put the emotions down and to not carry them. One of these, is to run. When I'm running, I'm not feeling any emotions. N...

I'm a very emotional person, and I do this thing that bugs the Hell out of me. I can pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling at any given moment. Sadness, joy, heartache, happiness, fear, terror, helplessness, hopefulness... So, I'm good in that way. I know how I'm feeling. Here's the crap part: I don't always know why. My spirit works in such a way that the emotions come first, sometimes long before the reason for them. Here's the other crap part: it's very difficult for me to hide what I'm feeling. If it's not on my face, it's in my body language, or in my tone of voice. If you know me really well, you will know how I'm feeling- sometimes before I do. However, you're not always going to know why, and neither will I. And even if I do know why, I'm not always going to tell you what's up with me, cuz I gotta keep things interesting. There are folks that have given up on me because of these traits. They see my emotions as...

I'm a words person. I love words. I love their power. I love their meaning. I have a running narrative going through my mind at all times. I will often find myself mouthing song lyrics for no apparent reason, or saying quotes aloud, or reciting poems at random moments. It can be an annoying trait to some, because it can be difficult to interrupt what's going on in my head. And I talk to myself often, which then makes me laugh at myself. On April 10th, we had to put our beloved dog to sleep. It's been 11 days since he died. In those 11 days, I've had a plethora of words on death swirling around in my head. I have told myself that I need to get them out. I need to write, I need to talk about them. I need to deplete. Yet, I haven't been able to. I have found it difficult to grab on to those words, put them in the palm of my hand, and identify them. My dog's death sparked an unexpected amount of emotion about my mother's death, which was over 2 yea...

I've been training since early January for a half marathon. 13.1 miles. This particular half marathon is the Indianapolis 500 Festival Mini Marathon. It's sort of a kick-off event for all the events in May that lead up to the Indianapolis 500 at the end of the month. This is my 2nd time doing this half marathon. My first time was in 2010, so it's been 7 years. I'm 7 years older, and I have had 2 more children in that time. My body is different. My pace is different. My stride is different. I've participated in several 5k's in that 7 year time period...probably more than I can remember. 5k's are good because they keep you running. They keep your mind in the space where it needs to be as a runner: always thinking about getting your miles in. My training since January has led me to some pretty strong conclusions about running, and about me as a runner. First, I'm not 30 anymore. I'm 7 years older than I was when I completed my first h...